I recently mentioned my neighbor's death. I shot an annual Rites of Spring for him for over 25 years, about 2,000 frames over a weekend. With the organizer gone it looks like the event is going belly up, sad, but it is more than most want to take on. I'll miss the gig and the people. I get the sense from your gig photos that you had an investment in the people and it's likely you miss everyone. Plus, even when things begin to crank up it will never be quite the same. Lots of losses right now. Playing with new gear is likely as good as any other way to cope; it's better than inappropriate ways of coping by a long stretch. I'm glad you're sober, not in jail, and have a marvelous family, a jeep, and a couple cameras.