Computer-Oriented Jokes...

Kevin

Code Monkey 🐒
Nov 3, 2018
This "weary Face" 😩 Weary Face Emoji likely fits the way that joke made me feel. And to be fair....it's all in jest. I tell more than my fair share of "groaners'.
It's all in good fun (it's why we don't have "negative" points turned on, only positive & neutral). Besides, if nothing else I can now expect a bunch of 'groan' reactions to my rambling posts in the team forum. 🤣
 

BrianS

Legend
Jul 7, 2010
The worst problem I've ever had from a piece of code that I wrote was the FPS-120B Attached Array Processor bursting into flames. The power supplies overloaded. It was highly optimized code. Emitter-Coupled-Logic drew a lot of power.


Fortunately, the Halon fired and put out the flames.
 
Last edited:
Apr 18, 2014
Boston Burbs
David
There Are 10 Types of People In This World Those Who Understand Binary and Those Who Don't.

There Are MANY versions of these next ones.
===============================================================

Tech Support Log — Boyfriend Upgrade

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0. And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate!
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. At the command line, try entering C:\ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME and download Tears 6.2 to install Guilt 3.0. If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But, remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy-Silence 2.5, Happy-Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create snoringLoudly.wav files. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or re-install another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 9.9.

Regards,
Tech Support

===============================================================

SOFTWARE UPGRADE TO WIFE VERSION 1.0

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.


REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support
 

Kevin

Code Monkey 🐒
Nov 3, 2018
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
For any guy getting married, their #1 bit of advice that they should be given is to install this application immediately after the honeymoon. #2 bit of advice would be to upgrade their television hardware for the "DVR" component; trust me on that one. ;)
 
Apr 18, 2014
Boston Burbs
David
For any guy getting married, their #1 bit of advice that they should be given is to install this application immediately after the honeymoon. #2 bit of advice would be to upgrade their television hardware for the "DVR" component; trust me on that one. ;)
DVRs weren't a thing when I got married. And wife 1.0 bought me a TIVO with lifetime service shortly after they came out. :2thumbs:
 

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