Nikon Dipping a toe back in....

Jun 3, 2012
103
Melbourne. Australia
Joe
Hi Loungers.

Been a while since I've posted, I've been busy coming to terms with a rather inconvenient bastard residing in my head...Anxiety! This unwelcome squatter made its way in entirely unannounced, like a bolt out of the blue, and has meant a total rethinking of how I go about living my life. Therapy, yoga, meditation, deep breathing practice...I never would have thought these things would one day be my life raft. I can honestly divide my life into 2 parts....my life before that first panic attack, and everything else ever since. It has been a hell of a ride these last 2 years, fluctuating between panic, blissful calm and back and forth again...never knowing what the next day, or even what the next hour will bring.

Finding the courage and motivation to get out and shoot has been a personal Everest, last weekend however I did make the climb to fire off a few shots, my first in 8 months...whether the images produced were anything of note was not so important, getting back a tiny slice of my old life back was a big enough win.

I hope your eyes find something here they enjoy.

All shot with the Nikon D750....and a bunch of lenses (20/1.8, 35/1.4, 58/1.4, 135/2).



Melbs-4
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-5
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-2
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-6
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-3
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs
by Livnius, on Flickr
 

Lightmancer

Super Moderator
Aug 13, 2011
164
Sunny Frimley
Bill Palmer
What a story. Thank you so much for sharing. We all have journeys to take and demons to deal with from time to time, large and small and it does help in some way to talk about it among friends. There are some superb images there - you have clearly not lost your touch. I did some research a few years ago into "Photo Therapy" (not to be confused with "phototherapy") and firmly believe there is something in it, I have simply not had the time to pursue. I'm delighted to see you posting again - welcome back!
 

bartjeej

Hall of Famer
Nov 12, 2010
124
bart
Welcome back, Joe! Sounds like you've had some intense years... Glad to see you finding the courage to shoot again, you have some really nice results there. I particularly like the second shot, with all the specular highlights in the background... quite magical!

Hope you'll continue to progress and get back to a place where you're comfortable with yourself and the world!
 

Luke

Super Moderator
Nov 11, 2011
214
Milwaukee, WI USA
Luke
number 2 looks like you have captured the torturous journey you have described.

I had a few days like that about 10 years ago. I literally thought I was losing my mind. Luckily for me the very specific situation that caused the episode resolved itself and the feelings went away. Because I don't know how anyone could live like that. I'm glad to hear you're working through it. Thanks for sharing your difficult journey and these wonderful images. I've always enjoyed your photography.
 
D

dalethorn

Guest
Hi Loungers.

Been a while since I've posted, I've been busy coming to terms with a rather inconvenient bastard residing in my head...Anxiety! This unwelcome squatter made its way in entirely unannounced, like a bolt out of the blue, and has meant a total rethinking of how I go about living my life. Therapy, yoga, meditation, deep breathing practice...I never would have thought these things would one day be my life raft. I can honestly divide my life into 2 parts....my life before that first panic attack, and everything else ever since. It has been a hell of a ride these last 2 years, fluctuating between panic, blissful calm and back and forth again...never knowing what the next day, or even what the next hour will bring.

Finding the courage and motivation to get out and shoot has been a personal Everest, last weekend however I did make the climb to fire off a few shots, my first in 8 months...whether the images produced were anything of note was not so important, getting back a tiny slice of my old life back was a big enough win.

I hope your eyes find something here they enjoy.

All shot with the Nikon D750....and a bunch of lenses (20/1.8, 35/1.4, 58/1.4, 135/2).



Melbs-4
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-5
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-2
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-6
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs-3
by Livnius, on Flickr


Melbs
by Livnius, on Flickr
Excellent work!
 

bilzmale

Super Moderator Emeritus
Jul 17, 2010
124
Perth, Western Australia
Bill Shinnick
Welcome back Joe - good to see you back on the boards. I won't say I know how you have been feeling but I am accompanied daily by a mood disorder. I trust you are getting pro advice to help manage. Sometimes owning the condition publicly as you have just done can be therapeutic.
 
Jun 3, 2012
103
Melbourne. Australia
Joe
Thank you all so much for the kind words of support. With this condition being as it is, I deal with plenty of my own involuntary negativity...so it was a really positive feeling to have been able to go downtown and walk around with a calm mind and fire off a few shots, it's also a really positive feeling to be able to share the resulting photos. I hope to once again be able to enjoy doing this on a regular basis.
 

Matero

Top Veteran
Jan 28, 2014
104
Helsinki, Finland
I so understand you. I lost my job year ago, although not financial disaster, yet, I fell in life I didn't know existed. I'd been working every day (not counting short vacations) since 13 year old. And suddenly I was not needed anymore. First I thought I could spend my time with camera, now that I had time, but soon lost interest to it, and needed all my energy just to survive mentally. Mood changes followed, some times even a day with the bright thoughts and joy, and next week deep under.

I'm glad you're in the situation to start photography again. I'm also learning again to take my camera with me. And starting a new job next week :) I'm not the same person than year ago, but I hope I'm stronger now. And I was lucky, I have my family, no financial catastrophes, I didn't get sick any other way, I mean physically.

All the best for you Livnius, I hope you'll find your way!

:thumbsup:



Hi Loungers.

Been a while since I've posted, I've been busy coming to terms with a rather inconvenient bastard residing in my head...Anxiety! This unwelcome squatter made its way in entirely unannounced, like a bolt out of the blue, and has meant a total rethinking of how I go about living my life. Therapy, yoga, meditation, deep breathing practice...I never would have thought these things would one day be my life raft. I can honestly divide my life into 2 parts....my life before that first panic attack, and everything else ever since. It has been a hell of a ride these last 2 years, fluctuating between panic, blissful calm and back and forth again...never knowing what the next day, or even what the next hour will bring.

Finding the courage and motivation to get out and shoot has been a personal Everest, last weekend however I did make the climb to fire off a few shots, my first in 8 months...whether the images produced were anything of note was not so important, getting back a tiny slice of my old life back was a big enough win.
 

Ray Sachs

Legend
Sep 21, 2010
123
Not too far from Philly
you should be able to figure it out...
Good to see you Joe. Sorry to hear about your anxiety issues, but it can be handled. My brother has been dealing with it his whole life and has his bad days, but overall manages it pretty well. I'm lucky not to have anything chronic, but seem to have some election induced anxiety this year (seems like the US is flirting with a total freakout, as many western nations are). I've taken up meditation to help me through it and it helps a lot... Hang in there.

And fine shots too by the way. Particularly like the last two...

-Ray
 
D

dalethorn

Guest
I didn't sleep much last week. Don't want to say much else, except I think the freak-out thing is a pretty good summary.
 

bluzcity

Top Veteran
Jul 24, 2013
104
Memphis, TN
Brent
Joe I applaud your courage in disclosure. I think the 1st, 2nd, and last reflect struggle. I suffer an anxiety from Night Terrors Night terror - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that also affect my waking time. I had become somewhat of a physical threat to my wife during these episodes; hitting, punching, kicking, etc. I began taking a medication in February and have had good results. I wish you the best as you wrestle with this.
 
D

dalethorn

Guest
Joe I applaud your courage in disclosure. I think the 1st, 2nd, and last reflect struggle. I suffer an anxiety from Night Terrors Night terror - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that also affect my waking time. I had become somewhat of a physical threat to my wife during these episodes; hitting, punching, kicking, etc. I began taking a medication in February and have had good results. I wish you the best as you wrestle with this.
Well, as long as we're confessing .... I solved my problem so far, in that I've been accustomed to sleeping on my side, I have a fairly thick blanket that I put my hands into and pull up to where there's a tension on my hands from the blanket, and I haven't experienced any random striking out since. Hopefully I won't ever do a kick.
 

wt21

Hall of Famer
Aug 15, 2010
123
Hi Joe. I've been off this board for some time, too. Came back on and was just thinking about you. Found this thread. Hope you are doing well.

I've also found the physical side of yoga to be quite the help. See you around.
 

Coasting

New Member
Mar 10, 2012
3
Thnx for your post it was very insightful and good luck with your journey.As a side note your images have almost convinced me that a D750 should be in my future thinking.Lovely images thnx
 

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