Do all men have financial advisors for wives?

[Jonathan F/2]

I recently sold a lens to a well-established older gentleman with a successful business and grown grandchildren. Yet when I sold him the lens, he mentioned jokingly (or not) he had to get approval from his wife aka financial advisor to make the purchase! I then realized throughout the years for many items I've sold, older male buyers always mentioned seeking purchase approvals from their other half. In my case, my wife has also enlisted the children to spy and to report any packages I receive big or small! Also I'm not sure if my wife is serious when she mentions that I did not seek her approval when making purchases that I'm unable to hide! The nice thing about photographic equipment despite their high price, most can be tucked away in a cabinet or storage hidden from prying eyes! For items I've sold to female buyers, not once have they ever mentioned getting approval from their husbands!

Have I stumbled on an unspoken global financial conspiracy? By even writing this am I at risk from being silenced for having this revelation? Should I hide all my "fun" items in a secret underground bunker? Is this the reason why Amazon created an "archive order" section just protect the millions of husbands from their big kid purchases?


FYI - This post is written in jest! Just in case my wife is reading!

 

[Matero]

I could have comment or two, but better save than sorry

 

[agentlossing]

And it has nothing, nothing whatever to do with our impulse control, or lack thereof!

 

[gryphon1911]

My wife and I have setup a "cap" on what we can purchase without consulting the other. It has nothing at all to do with permission, but more about respect and transparency.

Often, when I go into the camera store, I'll ask my wife, "what's my limit today" and she will throw a number out there for me. That's my new, one day limit without further consultation. I usually walk out with nothing, but the last time I had that increased limit, I walked out with a brand new PEN-F, so that should tell you how long ago I took advantage. LOL.

We do have regular discussions on finances and what I'm spending and on what, same as her to me. It is especially important to know what is in the bank account, what is in the list for things we need to spend on, like auto or home repairs/maintenance. Our daughter is out of college now, so no impending tuition fees looming in our future anymore. I will say that was a great gift we gave her, not coming out of college like I was, $60,000+ in debt before having a decently paying job. Thankfully, our only debt we have right now is a mortgage (more than half paid off) and one car payment (Feb 2022, it will be paid off).

I love not having any high interest debt. I also like that when I have income from the photo business - most of the gear comes from that budget and does not impact our personal finances.

 

[agentlossing]

My wife and I have setup a "cap" on what we can purchase without consulting the other. It has nothing at all to do with permission, but more about respect and transparency.

Hear hear - all jokes aside, this is what my wife and I do as well, and it's been a good system.

The times I've seen her violate this policy have mostly been clothing related, and I'm led to understand that this follows the same guidelines as monthly bills and household essentials, somehow?

 

[gryphon1911]

Hear hear - all jokes aside, this is what my wife and I do as well, and it's been a good system.

The times I've seen her violate this policy have mostly been clothing related, and I'm led to understand that this follows the same guidelines as monthly bills and household essentials, somehow?

My wife has only ever done it once. That was when she purchased a piece of medical equipment for herself. She has a chronic condition and a medical grade massage chair was $3000 less than normal price, so she got it and told me later. In her defense, I was in a meeting that I couldn’t get out of for work and she was at a work conference and was needing to leave for her flight home.

now, I’ve violated it on 2 occasions for less noble purchases (cameras), but they were killer deals. Like when I got my XPRO2 for $700 a year and a half ago. All was forgiven though.

 

[agentlossing]

In a pinch, PayPal Credit is my friend ("I got it on such a good deal, I'll be able to sell off some stuff before I even have to make a payment or pay any interest!"). The pathetic lengths we go to as slaves of this thing called photography...

 

[Jonathan F/2]

In a pinch, PayPal Credit is my friend ("I got it on such a good deal, I'll be able to sell off some stuff before I even have to make a payment or pay any interest!"). The pathetic lengths we go to as slaves of this thing called photography...

Paypal credit seems almost tailored for photographic equipment purchases! Before I make a purchase I already know what to sell in order to finance it! Buying this way also forces me to keep a lean camera kit.

 

[rayvonn]

Think I’ll stay out of this one!

 

[agentlossing]

Paypal credit seems almost tailored for photographic equipment purchases! Before I make a purchase I already know what to sell in order to finance it! Buying this way also forces me to keep a lean camera kit.

Yes, I think it's a good system. I get FOMO, ironically, for gear I've owned but no longer own, but I am usually pretty good at talking myself down from the ledge.

 

[QBI]

I'm self-employed and sell stuff for a living. Many men have a consultation with me to do fact-finding but have to return with their wives to make the final decision. However, if a woman ever says she'll come back with her husband, that's just code for, 'you don't have the right thing at the right price for me but I need a polite excuse to leave'.

Sometimes they both come along together. In those case the guy always, without fail encourages the best solution for his missus and makes the upscale for me. Conversely, the woman very often reigns his requirements back to the lowest price option that'll be good enough.

Personally, my wife often encourages me to not only buy the core thing I want but to get the nice accessory to go with it - Arte de Mano case anyone?

 

[AndyH44]

.....at a loss for words on this topic.

 

[Bart J D]

I hope none is offended when I say I find the idea of hiding expenses from each other or the opposite, "giving" the other something for daily use - like a car for instance, as I've read on some forums from time to time - shocking and to be bold, even offensive.
My wife and I are equal partners. We own everything together.
We combine our salaries and use them for the normal expenses and we save what's left.
If we have an out of the ordinary expense, we discuss how we're going to cover it.
Same when one of us has an idea for a project. We discus and weigh the pros and cons and feasibility.
Neither of us has the idea that any part of the resources is ours.
The fact that one should ask or give permission, is a far and very disturbing memory from previous generations (we are 61).

Like Andre mentioned, there are always moments when one has to decide on the spot and that is no issue whatsoever. These can be explained and discussed afterwards.

Also, when taking about business related expenses when being self-employed, that's a whole other story. In that case, we're talking about investments with funds of the business.
(Over here it's best practice to legally separate the business from the family so that, when the business goes under, the family does not)

The fact that this is a rather sensitive issue for me is simply due to the memories of how things were in the previous generations and probably the fact I grew up amidst the fact that women emancipation was a given - both at home as in school.
Some examples:
women only were allowed to vote here the first time in 1949, only 10 years before I was born.
when married, they started using a new family name. I remember when this changed and female teachers suddenly got their own names back.
a married woman couldn't open an account with a bank without her husbands permission. None of this foolishness for the husband "of course".
girls were groomed for taking up their "proper" place: to stay at home, bare children and let the man "provide". My sisters, 10 years older than I am, were really fortunate my parents didn't have this point of view.
they all got at least a bachelors degree.
The fact that these things are starting to rear their ugly head again - sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes "in your face" - makes it clear what has been gained needs to be defended again and again.

That being said, another fundamental believe of mine is that each person has the right to decide freely about their choices - up to the point where their freedom touches the freedom of someone else.
So, even if this might have looked like it, no judging on my part.

 

[wee-pics]

Nothing to add to Bart, I thoroughly agree. My wife and me have been sharing one bank account for the over 50 years we are living together. No asking permissions, just checking if what's left at the end of the month (or on the savings' side) allows for GAS satisfaction. And as Bart said: just a matter of mutual *trust*.
I remember when I bought my Taylor guitar twenty years ago (812 CE, even now in between 3000and 4000 $) and asked her if she thought that spending that much for a guitar is reasonable her answer was short and up to the point: "buy it or else I have to listen to your regrets for the rest of my life". Of course I've made up for it by giving her private concerts and playing on stage one tune I composed especially for her. You can listen here to the version with a friend of mine improvising to it.

http://macwee50zwei.bplaced.net/20-02-07%208.3%20For%20M.mp3

 

[Jonathan F/2]

On a more serious note, I actually don't buy anything extravagant! Perhaps now that I'm married with children, I'm more apt to always look for the best bang-for-buck deals. The days of me buying the latest and greatest are over. I rarely buy camera equipment new, unless it's something I know I will get a ROI in usage by not having to wait and look for a deal to appear.

On a side note, my daughter came along with me on my last in-person lens sale (she stayed in the car and played on my phone) while I met the buyer at the Starbucks parking lot. I chatted with the buyer for awhile and when I returned to the car, she asked what took so long? I mentioned I always have good conversations with older photography enthusiasts. She then replies, "It's because you're also old!"

 

[Kevin]

When we got married my wife & I created new joint bank accounts but kept our personal ones also with the understanding that we can put X percent of our pays in our personal accounts to be used as our slush accounts. It works because it's "no questions asked" about what we use the slush funds for.

For example...

And it has nothing, nothing whatever to do with our impulse control, or lack thereof!

... a few summers back I bought an ice cream stand at a local farmers market. It was a financial disaster, but, I gotta' say, it was a fun summer that year.

 

[agentlossing]

... a few summers back I bought an ice cream stand at a local farmers market. It was a financial disaster, but, I gotta' say, it was a fun summer that year.

Sounds worth doing to me! I grew up at farmers markets, my father was a beekeeper (later organic veggie farmer) and accompanying my parents to markets was my role literally from infanthood. Those were good times.

 

[davidzvi]

My wife and I have actually had joint accounts since we started living together a little over 34 years ago. But as far as spending goes we like to say: "She's cheap, but not easy. I'm easy, but I'm not cheap." I often have to make her spend money on things she needs. Sometimes it's a struggle.

Paypal credit seems almost tailored for photographic equipment purchases! Before I make a purchase I already know what to sell in order to finance it! Buying this way also forces me to keep a lean camera kit.

I've been pretty good at buying and selling over the years, but this is also why I tend to keep a pretty lean kit. Thankfully there have only been a few things I occasionally wish I hadn't sold.

 

[Ad Dieleman]

For a long time we (my wife and I, married now for 43 years) have used a system in which we each allocated a monthly amount that we can spend without consulting each other, personal savings really. Once one's savings are depleted, we discuss if a planned expense (like vacation, a camera etc.) is OK or not. We recently decided to abandon this; each of us can spend an amount of a few hundred euros on his/her own, larger expenses are discussed. I often discuss purchases of photo gear and other hobby stuff with my wife to get to a buying decision anyway.

 

[drd1135]

My money is also our money after all. I don’t ask permission, but she can see what I spend since she pays the bills. I think of her as my “conscience” in the face of unrelenting GAS.