My tribute video to the now-closed melt shop (the steel mill where I worked)

Isoterica said:
ADDED reviewing it again:

1. Intro you show the cables or whatever they are-- the crash into the music should be more of a fade into, a faster paced fade because you don't want to lose the edginess but at the moment the two parts, being the cables and then the rest of the video, seem to be sitting in the same room but not holding hands. At the very least if you do want the crash, make it immediate, as soon as you flicker off the cable segment, crash, and use a brighter (maybe one of your flaming hot) photos for that first shot. I used to mix music and this part feels just a bit off. (ex: 17-19 seconds)

2. At the beginning it seems like you are trying to hold a photo for each line of verse but then sometimes you cram two photos in and it loses visual rhythm.. you could, if you are inclined, pace that a little better. Pacing helps to guide the viewer through the journey assuring they are pulled onto the ride you want to give them rather than standing off on the side not sure when to step on. I was pulled in but I am more prone to dive in, you want to pull in the people that are prone to stand back. (ex: 30-36 seconds)

3. Sometimes you have the distortion of images, where one image merges into the next, on the echo of the singers voice or the tremble of the music and sometimes you don't and I think there would, again, be better rhythm if you kept that type of fade synced with the music. It's a really great touch when her voice echoes or trembles to make the video do the same.. almost breathtaking. (ex: 39-41 seconds)

4. The chorus, lay it down lay it down... and the flickering of images is great. When her voice slows lay it down at His feet lay your burden down, your images turned to a video, slowing, again a nice touch. Not consistent throughout the entire movie but a good layout idea. (ex: 54-1:00 & 1:01-1:04)

5. Nice that you got your name on the door in that one video clip :D (1:23- 1:25)

4. I like when the guitar whines and you do the (not sure of the name) zoom in-zoom out fade-- keep that up as the song allows

5. Nice visual pause in the chorus when you flicker and then give one extra pause on the chair (+1:50 --2:01) and then again shortly after the mossy gear.

6. Distortion of music and voice + your image distortion at 2:11-- Nice. And I like the shuddering of the video as her voice trembles-- you carry that nicely through several images to the end of the steel being mixed(?) and that final vibration of sound

7. Moving from solely machinery to men towards the end of the film, good integration, and from stills to movie, nice.

8. Musical fade to voices-- well done.

9. Goodbye written on the wall still, well done.

10. Fade to black and then your quirky entropic remnants visual signature, again nice. It would be nice as an end for all your videos.

So THAT is my more formal critique and I will repeat that this IS the BEST video I've seen from you so far, not that the others were bad, but this carries the viewer more emotionally. I see a musical documentary video, not photos set to music. Kudos.. verrry nice. And please if you feel my critique is too strong, remember I am not trying to insult you, I think this video is awesome. I just think you need to tweak to bring awesome to perfect is all and I know you are quite capable.
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Tremendous stuff, thanks! If I was doing this as a paying project I'd likely have taken a lot more time with it, and I think I'd run it by you before I published it, lol.

This piece was strangely hard to work on. I've picked it up and put it down several times which maybe means I'm still too close to the emotions. I did finally "push" through to the end and really wanted to be done. I think the unfinished feel of this really telegraphs that and that's not good I agree. Not sure how critical the intended audience is, but many of these things you've suggested would improve it for ANYONE.

I truly appreciate that you are feeding back on improving the concept I have rather than criticizing the concept itself. Thank you sincerely.
 
entropic remnants said:
Tremendous stuff, thanks! If I was doing this as a paying project I'd likely have taken a lot more time with it, and I think I'd run it by you before I published it, lol.

This piece was strangely hard to work on. I've picked it up and put it down several times which maybe means I'm still too close to the emotions. I did finally "push" through to the end and really wanted to be done. I think the unfinished feel of this really telegraphs that and that's not good I agree. Not sure how critical the intended audience is, but many of these things you've suggested would improve it for ANYONE.

I truly appreciate that you are feeding back on improving the concept I have rather than criticizing the concept itself. Thank you sincerely.
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I can seriously understand how you must feel in working on this.. but to me it is more of a tribute than a memorial and thus, and I say this being more detached of course, I would want to do it justice, finish it as meticulously as how I started it. It does seem like towards the end you let go and again I do understand why. It was probably too soon to work on it-- maybe give it a little time and go back if you feel inclined. I think the reward will be worth it. I'm really not all that critical but my eyes do want to see the music as I listen to it so if it's a bit off (you are more on than off btw), I notice. The concept is a good one.. a little tweaking might pull more people in. Remember, I dive, others might hesitate, you need to guide them and properly synced sound and imagery can do that. But-- this video IS ultimately for you so whatever you do, do it because YOU want it that way.
 
entropic remnants said:
Okay, you should probably know I'm not the first one to do this, nor the most extreme. A fellow named Dan McLaughlin did a film in the early 1960's called "God is Dog Spelled Backwards" that was in this vein showing the sweep of art through human history -- 3000 years of it -- in 3 minutes. Did those images deserve more time? In another film for another purpose perhaps -- but not for the filmmakers purposes.

Fast foward to 1968 and young John Griggs sees a piece on the Smothers Brothers Comedy Hour that he has never forgotten where musician and comedy writer Mason Williams went to McLaughlin and asked him to redo that film with his musical piece "Classical Gas". McLaughlin did and here's a recreation of what I think is a now more or less lost piece from the show: My memory of that work, which I'd not seen again until just a few minutes ago, was my inspiration for that blistering pace.


So then, this type of thing was the inspiration for the quick sweep through so much time there. I just think you are all being way too serious about this but I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it. A lot of people hated McLaughlin's and William's work as well, lol. Many thought it was "disrespectful" of the art that was in the film. Oh well.

Again, sorry you didn't like it, but it's exactly what I intended so the fault is in my vision not in your perception.
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I rarely watch mainstream modern movies because slam-bang-don't-give-the-viewer-time-to-think-for-themselves editing has won the field. But I like your piece. The effectiveness of the "Congratulations you are now cultured" approach of the art film is that the viewer managed to recognize at least some of the images flashing past them. I've never worked in a steel mill, but I've known people who have and understand something of the process and I've seen many of your stills, and this immersive approach works for me as "Well, that happened, now we move on from here."

What's the song? I'm half deaf so I couldn't pick up enough of the lyrics to google it for sure. The "Lay your body down," was about all I could pick out and it resounded for me. When I was in high school, one of my friend's father's got his degree at Southern Illinois University and moved on to a university out East to pursue the next level degree. My friend Tim got a job in a steel mill and was killed on the job. He was the first person my age that I knew personally who died.
 
colonel said:
I would personally change the music, something slower, sadder and a bit demonic. It sounded more like a promotional video.
Some of the pictures and video are really strong. Great work!
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Thanks, but that would be a different video than what I intended. Although there's a place for such a video, we don't need it. We're already slower, sadder, and feeling that we were just "had" by the demons in the corporate offices!

It is a promotional video -- promoting a memory of who we've been.
 
Isoterica said:
I can seriously understand how you must feel in working on this.. but to me it is more of a tribute than a memorial and thus, and I say this being more detached of course, I would want to do it justice, finish it as meticulously as how I started it. It does seem like towards the end you let go and again I do understand why. It was probably too soon to work on it-- maybe give it a little time and go back if you feel inclined. I think the reward will be worth it. I'm really not all that critical but my eyes do want to see the music as I listen to it so if it's a bit off (you are more on than off btw), I notice. The concept is a good one.. a little tweaking might pull more people in. Remember, I dive, others might hesitate, you need to guide them and properly synced sound and imagery can do that. But-- this video IS ultimately for you so whatever you do, do it because YOU want it that way.
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Well said, but for now it's all I can do. I'll revisit it later -- I think for whom it's intended it will work for now. Eventually, a "perfectionist" strain in me will release one or two more edits, lol -- just have a look down my YouTube video stream and there's plenty of evidence for that! I did at least three for some of the videos I did. It really shows sometimes that I'm am more photographer than videographer but if I live long enough I'll learn....
 
Yeats said:
Just imagine a slightly pudgy, middle-aged balding white guy doing a spastic version of the Safety Dance.

Nobody wants to see that.
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I'm with you except I've somehow kept the hair and I'm moving from "middle aged" and on the cusp of "old", lol.

And thanks for the comments, folks. I took the criticism to heart and will consider the suggestions given. One nice thing was that I attended a COBRA benefits meeting for the laid off employees today and the highlight was a crane operator I've never even met coming up and telling me how much he loved the video and he watched it a bunch of times. For the most part, I do think my target audience "got it" and I'm grateful for that.
 
Yeats said:
Just imagine a slightly pudgy, middle-aged balding white guy doing a spastic version of the Safety Dance.
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If I had gone to my high school's 25 year reunion, that guy would have been me.......exactly. S-s-s-s-A-a-a-a-F-f-f-f
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Luke said:
If I had gone to my high school's 25 year reunion, that guy would have been me.......exactly. S-s-s-s-A-a-a-a-F-f-f-f
<object width="560" height="315"><param name="movie" value="//www.youtube.com/v/6pOq4hyoX9g?hl=en_US&version=3"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="//www.youtube.com/v/6pOq4hyoX9g?hl=en_US&version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="560" height="315" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object>
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The tall guy or the short guy?...

and the "act like an imbecile" line I can totally identify with, lol...
 

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