Something to keep you thinking!

Hauki

Regular
Dec 2, 2011
Somerset, England
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to examine you anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

What did the man who invented the drawing board go back to when he made a mistake

:biggrin:
 

TraamisVOS

Hall of Famer
Nov 29, 2010
Melbourne, Australia
Let me try.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Because there's less power available from a weak battery so pressing harder helps the weak signal get through.

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
Yes because the CPU driving the elevator thinks that it has more passengers and so it uses more power to drive the elevator, resulting in a faster ride.

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Because they're banks.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Because we can't dip our finger into the universe to confirm the statement, but we can dip our finger into wet paint.

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
Someone who has never had a lipth.

What is the speed of darkness?
Roughly the speed of a freezer (see below).

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?
Someone who has never had a baby. Or a sense of time.

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
Doesn't matter, still too cold to cause this: george costanza - i was in the pool - YouTube

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
I have zero experience with this.

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Because the Russians didn't give a flying rat's about luggage.

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
To feed the primal peeping tom in all of us.

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
That is actually a good question.

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Because they did not account for the one place where the speed of darkness is faster than the speed of light.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?
Because it would so easily be misinterpreted as a request for something else altogether.

Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to examine you anyway?
Because they're going up to the roof of the building across the street and peeping at you through a pair of binoculars through the window to watch you undress.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
Well, it's like asking why apes walk on all fours when humans walk upright. One is more evolved than the other.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Testicles.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Sea lion pups.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
I like this one.

Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Stop singing and read on......
Dammit.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Yes especially if there is E in it. Coli.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Because the Earth's breath doesn't smell of alcohol.

What did the man who invented the drawing board go back to when he made a mistake
A good glass of shiraz.
 

Will

All-Pro
Aug 30, 2010
England
Dark is slightly faster than light because, however fast light travels somewhere, it always finds dark waiting for it when it gets there.
 
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Phoenix

All-Pro
Dec 28, 2011
Melbourne, Australia
Phoenix Gonzales
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !
I guess for the same reason Donald duck wears a towel around his waist after a shower but doesnt wear any pants.

Some compelling questions from G. Carlin that still remains unanswered...
If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
 

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