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In all seriousness, I battle regularly with Amazon delivery. I'm a Prime member and their delivery "service" is abysmal. I have a drive, a tall gate and a front courtyard. Everybody else manages to work this out. Not the Amazon boys, oh no... I have had parcels left on the cars, under a wiper blade, lobbed over the gate, on the drive, under a car, balanced on top of the gate and my all-time favourite, in the courtyard but not under cover - this is a particularly moronic thing to do when it's raining and there are plenty of places to leave a parcel under cover. The answer from Amazon is always the same "it will never happen again".
Yeh right.