When Insults Had Class

Hauki

Regular
Dec 2, 2011
18
Somerset, England
When Insults Had Class




These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.





The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

Another attributed to Winston in a Parliament session.

"Mr Churchill, you are drunk!"
"And you madam are ugly. But in the morning I will be sober."

A Member of Parliament to Winston Churchill in the House of Commons toilet,

"Sir, at Eton we were taught to wash our hands after going to the toilet."
Churchill replied,
"At Harrow we were taught not to pee on our hands"

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."


"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill


"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow


"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas


"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain


"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second.... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.


"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop


"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright


"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb


"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson


"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating


"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand


"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker


"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain


"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West


"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.." - Oscar Wilde


"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)


"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder


"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
 

HeatherTheVet

Top Veteran
Apr 23, 2011
103
Scotland
Heather
Sadly missing from Parliament today. Just watching the news and they are getting pretty close to an all out slagging match. Not very dignified or helpful.
 

Will

All-Pro
Aug 30, 2010
123
England
Sadly missing from Parliament today. Just watching the news and they are getting pretty close to an all out slagging match. Not very dignified or helpful.
Actually I thought the Speaker was rather amusing when he suggested that one Right Honourable gentleman was getting a bit over excited and perhaps ought to have a lie down for a minute.
 

olli

Super Moderator Emeritus
Sep 28, 2010
123
Sofia, Bulgaria
olli
One of my relatively recent favourites was Labour MP Dennis Healey's response to criticism from Conservative MP Geofrrey Howe: 'Like being savaged by a dead sheep'
 
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